I am . . .

   

The Key to . . . A Prayer Request

 

I have a prayer request for you my bloggie friends.

Elisabeth’s brother Chris recently had stroke and their family is having a difficult time covering the costs of his medication and therapy.

If you have anything to donate, in these rough economic times, or you want to donate your support and love to their family please visit (here) to learn more about their family. Every little bit helps :)

(You deprive a girl from blogging for a week and she gives ya three posts in one day!)

The Key to . . . Different Mothers

Oh, mothers.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot about mothers from my friends. Two, are from families who are currently divorcing or have divorced recently. In both situations they are very much at a loss emotionally. One has never been close to her mother; the other resents her mother for alcohol abuse and a new boyfriend—I’m not sure if resents is the right word…she’s very angry, hurt, and sad. The man who her mother is now seeing is the reason her family is falling apart. He’s also the man she comes home to, quite frequently, to find at her dinner table. Needless, to say for them, mothers are a sticky subject.

Another friend, is currently at a huge impasse in her life. She has made a life choice, that when shared with her mother, turned into a firing squad of hurtful words including hate. She is now left grasping for straws, at her old life and a mother’s approval, while desperately wanting the new. And it makes me sad to watch, how an unconditional love a mother has for her child, can hurt the child all the same.

But listening to these girls, hurt and angry over their mothers’ choices, makes me all the more happy to come home to mine. Tucked under the covers, book in hand when I get home from an after work meeting, ready to listen about my day and offer some much needed words of wisdom. I told my friends (and my mother!) how much I realize how easy I’ve gotten it in life; my parents are still together and my relationship with my mother is a somewhat perfect one…sure there are days when I get mad and despise her brutal honesty and chaotic messiness (so unlike my OCD-ness), but those days are far outnumbered by the good ones. Because, I know, no matter what happens, good or bad, she’s always on my side. And I pray that one day, my friends will realize that, too.

Some trust in love and some trust in hatred

Some trust in fear and some in violence
Some trust in faith and some trust in fortune
Some trust in God and some just get away

The Fray, Some Trust

I realized after the whole summer debacle last year that I have some major trust issues…major with a capitol M-A-J-O and yes, R. And there really isn’t a reason that I have trust issues…no childhood trauma or horrible friend; it’s just the way I am.

It takes forever for me to trust anyone completely. I’m very guarded and don’t go out of my way to share more than needs to be. So when something is done that makes me question my own trust in someone I often turn around running in the opposite direction. I know to a lot of you it probably sounds like I’m overreacting, but it’s just me. And while I am a person who will typically confront someone, in this situation I wouldn’t; I guess because I feel it’s my fault that you have done something to make me question your trustworthiness….complicated, I know. Therefore, a few friendships have fallen by the wayside that probably could have been fixed.

But this post isn’t about my trust issues, although I would gladly take any suggestions on better dealing with them, it’s about someone questioning their trust in you. A dose of my own medicine I guess.

I could count on one hand the number of times people have questioned my honesty and trustworthiness. It’s been few and far between, but it always sucks. I was reminded again how it feels last night. Of course, me being me, when I was questioned I flipped out and yelled, but it’s what I do (again suggestions?).

I completely shut down when these things happen. I don’t want to talk to this person or even look at this person. Every time I look in their eyes or tell them something I will always wonder if they believe me.

While there are lots better things to be praying about besides me this week, please , if you get the chance, pray that I can begin to release all of these trust issues and to keep faith in other relationships where my own trust was questioned.

Oh, Happy Mother’s Day! Will have a new post tonight!