Sunday, May 10, 2009

Some trust in love and some trust in hatred

Some trust in fear and some in violence
Some trust in faith and some trust in fortune
Some trust in God and some just get away

The Fray, Some Trust

I realized after the whole summer debacle last year that I have some major trust issues…major with a capitol M-A-J-O and yes, R. And there really isn’t a reason that I have trust issues…no childhood trauma or horrible friend; it’s just the way I am.

It takes forever for me to trust anyone completely. I’m very guarded and don’t go out of my way to share more than needs to be. So when something is done that makes me question my own trust in someone I often turn around running in the opposite direction. I know to a lot of you it probably sounds like I’m overreacting, but it’s just me. And while I am a person who will typically confront someone, in this situation I wouldn’t; I guess because I feel it’s my fault that you have done something to make me question your trustworthiness….complicated, I know. Therefore, a few friendships have fallen by the wayside that probably could have been fixed.

But this post isn’t about my trust issues, although I would gladly take any suggestions on better dealing with them, it’s about someone questioning their trust in you. A dose of my own medicine I guess.

I could count on one hand the number of times people have questioned my honesty and trustworthiness. It’s been few and far between, but it always sucks. I was reminded again how it feels last night. Of course, me being me, when I was questioned I flipped out and yelled, but it’s what I do (again suggestions?).

I completely shut down when these things happen. I don’t want to talk to this person or even look at this person. Every time I look in their eyes or tell them something I will always wonder if they believe me.

While there are lots better things to be praying about besides me this week, please , if you get the chance, pray that I can begin to release all of these trust issues and to keep faith in other relationships where my own trust was questioned.

Oh, Happy Mother’s Day! Will have a new post tonight!

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