Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Learning How to Be a Friend

Because of my overwhelming desire to feel liked and wanted, I oftentimes find myself letting others push me around. I lack so much backbone when it comes to calling others out when they have hurt my feelings.

Over the course of my life, I have found (and continue to find) myself in friendships where the other person uses me for their benefit only; like when their other friends are busy or as an advice giver. There is typically very little two-way sharing and caring—as a friendship I believe should work.

I know that there are different types of friendships—you have confidants, acquaintances, best friends, etc. And these friendships each entail varying amounts of responsibilities as a friend. However I also believe that when a friend discloses a certain amount about themselves, the respectable thing to do is show the same type of courtesy back towards the other person.

I know that I am not always the best example of a friend; I get annoyed, I get short—it’s a part of being human. But one thing college taught me was the art of apologizing for my actions when I have done wrong to another; just ask M and T the number of times that I have apologized for snapping, as they, too, have done with me.

However the one thing that I do pride myself on is listening to and caring for all my friends. I have never turned away someone who has wanted to talk or needed a hug. And I always ask about the certain odds and ends that people rarely expect you to remember.

Because I know how it feels to be in the place where you want the exact same thing; a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or a simple hug. Quite thankfully I have found that in the roomie, and M, and many of my other BC and home friends.

I still have those few, though, that can pretty much get me to do anything. So, I’m asking you, my lovely blog readers: What do I do? How do I respectfully and politely ask a friend to be careful of my feelings without hurting theirs? Without being a bully?

Because I need to learn how to stand up for myself.


  1. i wish i knew! i am either too bossy or not assertive enough and i haven't quite found a balance.

    i remember in elementary school we were taught "i" messages: i feel _____ when you ______. it went on but i don't remember the rest, haha. the first two parts are the most important anyway. that's my best advice, and that's what i try to do in situations: just explain how i feel. first of all, you guard against accusing anyone, so they can't get defensive, and second, they can't logically argue with how you feel. feelings are inherently subjective.

    i hope that helps! i will be praying for you. friendship is a learning process, and when we help each other out with that, the beauty of it bursts forth.

  2. Thanks for your suggestions! I also really loved the friendship posts you shared on your blog post last week--the authors' words about friendship were incredibly encouraging to me, too :)

  3. you're welcome! i'm glad you enjoyed them :]


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